Beloved SFDI

Thinking back on that Burn in the forest. Never had I received so much sexual attention but couldnt do anything about it, due to my cramping and inebriated state. That flattering but overwhelming attention, seems just that, too much, and it takes me some time to come around to dealing with it.

The Orcas Island Jam was great, but I suppose I am still working out some sort of identity, and am not sure how I appear to others. Still dealing with my fierce independence issues, and learning to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I was pretty exhausted after that ride and that burn in the forest party, so found it took me a few days to adjust. Its not so much the dance, but the social aspects of camping and associating with so many in an intimate setting. Yes, it causes me stress as well.

I fared better during the SFDI where I could come and attend class and not live with vague social expectations, and then go away for alone time. It makes me realize how important it is, but one should be able to adapt with this self awareness.

On my ride south through Whidbey island I ran into a woman I had been corresponding with from Vancouver, who would ride to Panama. I thought it such good fortune and accident to actually meet her on the road! I was so happy to have a cycling partner, at least for a little while. I think I may have been a little too much with my enthusiasm, and this German woman, had no time for detours or taking it slow... Well she has much to learn about journeys in this life.

No I didnt have the same insecurities with the SFDI, more like trying to maintain the same super excitement and enthusiastic inspiration as during the first 2 Jams. Where does it go? Where does it come from? This letting go of self consciousness and self.

Frequently with contact improv, I feel like saying "What are we doing here" What is it"?

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it, or of letting go of those controlling/identifying parts of my mind, sometimes I use a blindfold to get past choosing partners.

Perhaps next SFDI or WCCIF I will do chair massage as a service after classes.

So I have to mention the Beloved festival- WOW! So nice! What a positive and wonderful collection of people and workshops.

Certainly worth going to these smaller and more intimate gatherings. Can 600 people or so be called intimate?

I had never seen so many people looking like they are actually getting what they want at a festival. There seemed to be very little drug use, lots of great alternative bands. I got to see Hassan Hawkmoon, and his amazing Sintir playing. The Sitar and Tabla players also were really great, and the Sunday morning Gospel was so fun. I massaged until my fingers were sore, met some new friends, and ran into some old ones...

I volunteered with the Love tribe from Portland and helped with their cuddle dome. The Saturday night was busy with humping people, apparently no penetration took place...

But it must have been interesting to see Dancer's Sacred Sex Love tent, during previous years...

Everything was great, except I kind of Snafued getting back to Seattle- seems that Greyhound is one of the shittiest public transport systems around (meaning infrequent and stinky, over expensive for the service offered) there is no evening buses out of Portland. So folks, use Craigslist Rideshare and let the community do its thing...

I was lucky that I could get a couch surfing host home and stayed in the yurt downtown off Hawthorne.

L

invisible man and other mental aberrations

I know there is a lengthy blog coming with all the frenzied, intense activities of the past 4 months. Sorry that I couldnt write more often. Its been a full summer.

I'll try and recount some of the events...

Since taking off for Burn in the forest in Squamish (now that is a lovely accomplish able day ride, with a smooth shoulder and great rolling hills). Although I over shot the mark the first night, camped in the deep forest with the black bears, owls and something that makes a great blood curdling shriek, Like someone sucking their teeth in front of a microphone at 60 decibels.

That whole event was fun, but it took something for me to get past my social phobia or fear of groups (yes it still bothers me to some degree).

I realize that may surprise some of you since I choice to immerse myself in these environments; yes, I choose to face my fears.

I feel sometimes like a social pariah or an invisible man, (which suits me fine, at times). A constant thread through these experiences is this change in self perception, of receiving the affection, attention, recognition (I believe they call those attributes collectively as love. And also how these experiences can be stressful and disquieting as negative dressers - change comes at a price. Hopefully ones growing pains dont come so quickly.

So, The Burn in the forest... had a mostly wonderful time, there was a short time of panic when the fungus I had eaten cramped up my empty stomach... the happy ending, my friends came to my rescue, and it ended as gas.

Felt the love, yes, I would say smaller festivals are where its at.

I rode to the border, where the bored guards gave me the apathetic and anemic interrogation, and then onwards to Orcas Island for the contact Jam. My timing was off in my post party dazed state. I needed to ride the 90 miles or so to try and get that 7pm ferry; missed it due to a chain malfunction, and caught the 9pm. I really dont want to attempt that marathon pace again... the exhaustion didnt allow me to feel very present or energized for dancing the next day.

I'll leave you the highlights of the following blogs.

1. Oracas Island contact Jam

2.Whidbey Island ride

3. the Seattle festival of Dance Improvisation and my stay in Seattle.

4.the Lesquiti Island contact Jam

5. Burning Man

6. my time at Harbin Hotsprings (where I am relaxing now...)

L