Thinking back on that Burn in the forest. Never had I received so much sexual attention but couldnt do anything about it, due to my cramping and inebriated state. That flattering but overwhelming attention, seems just that, too much, and it takes me some time to come around to dealing with it.
The Orcas Island Jam was great, but I suppose I am still working out some sort of identity, and am not sure how I appear to others. Still dealing with my fierce independence issues, and learning to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I was pretty exhausted after that ride and that burn in the forest party, so found it took me a few days to adjust. Its not so much the dance, but the social aspects of camping and associating with so many in an intimate setting. Yes, it causes me stress as well.
I fared better during the SFDI where I could come and attend class and not live with vague social expectations, and then go away for alone time. It makes me realize how important it is, but one should be able to adapt with this self awareness.
On my ride south through Whidbey island I ran into a woman I had been corresponding with from Vancouver, who would ride to Panama. I thought it such good fortune and accident to actually meet her on the road! I was so happy to have a cycling partner, at least for a little while. I think I may have been a little too much with my enthusiasm, and this German woman, had no time for detours or taking it slow... Well she has much to learn about journeys in this life.
No I didnt have the same insecurities with the SFDI, more like trying to maintain the same super excitement and enthusiastic inspiration as during the first 2 Jams. Where does it go? Where does it come from? This letting go of self consciousness and self.
Frequently with contact improv, I feel like saying "What are we doing here" What is it"?
I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it, or of letting go of those controlling/identifying parts of my mind, sometimes I use a blindfold to get past choosing partners.
Perhaps next SFDI or WCCIF I will do chair massage as a service after classes.
So I have to mention the Beloved festival- WOW! So nice! What a positive and wonderful collection of people and workshops.
Certainly worth going to these smaller and more intimate gatherings. Can 600 people or so be called intimate?
I had never seen so many people looking like they are actually getting what they want at a festival. There seemed to be very little drug use, lots of great alternative bands. I got to see Hassan Hawkmoon, and his amazing Sintir playing. The Sitar and Tabla players also were really great, and the Sunday morning Gospel was so fun. I massaged until my fingers were sore, met some new friends, and ran into some old ones...
I volunteered with the Love tribe from Portland and helped with their cuddle dome. The Saturday night was busy with humping people, apparently no penetration took place...
But it must have been interesting to see Dancer's Sacred Sex Love tent, during previous years...
Everything was great, except I kind of Snafued getting back to Seattle- seems that Greyhound is one of the shittiest public transport systems around (meaning infrequent and stinky, over expensive for the service offered) there is no evening buses out of Portland. So folks, use Craigslist Rideshare and let the community do its thing...
I was lucky that I could get a couch surfing host home and stayed in the yurt downtown off Hawthorne.
L
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I had forgot to mention, another one of those funny scenarios.
Yes, a woman went psychotic.
Not so much different than any other, at parties that I have seen. But it was how she was cared for that was so different, a perhaps how I was involved this time.
I woke up after that sleepy champagne cuddle, post love tribe temple party, early in the morning.
I dont usually wake up at 530- or 6 am, but the early night of drunken rest did me good. They got me drunk on a couple glasses of cheap champagne, covered me up in the many blankets and cuddled me( I felt so cuddled...).
I thought it would be funny to head down to the camp fire and see what stoners (those too stoned to sleep) I could find by the main fire and what their stories were, since I had missed most of the night anyways.
I heard the sound of a woman yelling, It sounded like the crazy "give me attention" shouting of a mentally unstable person, and... I was right. A certain young woman who had gone psychotic and was representing the spirit of Gaia if she was to be believed. So what had impressed me was how well she was being looked after.
Meaning that a certain man had gone into her mentally ill world and had so creatively interacted with her. Having the love and patience to endure her abuse and instability. Naturally his shift ended when more people woke up and started taking over the job...
He really impressed me with his kindness and love in action. I bought coconut Popsicles but he bought one for her.
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