Belize shootings

Belize has the 6th highest murder rate in the world. At least in countries that keep records and aren't having civil strife. Its a small country with a big murder rate.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_intentional_homicide_rate
I remember the gangland massacres that had just happened in Honduras, while I was there years ago. At present Honduras is the world record holder, followed by El Salvador.

I believe we have had 5 shootings and 2 successful or incidental murders (the courts to decide) in the past 2 weeks here on the Ambergris Island.
http://edition.channel5belize.com/archives/96490

It hits close to home, as friends were recently in the bar before the shootings, and that, Ambergris a small island. The sound of gun fire travels far in the night.

Recently, one man was shot 11 times with a 9mm and lived (this after being shot the previous year).

'Gang related' deaths top the charts as reasons. But some are simply random, or mostly impulsive, as I saw while spending time in Seattle a previous summer. Was it 5 in one weekend? The reasons always seem so stupid in retrospect- got cut off in traffic- got bumped in a crowd- was refused service- that stupid bitch wouldn't stop nagging...
Yet, its the collateral damage that worries me. How many innocents standing around or living in wooden houses when the bullets fly pick up stray slugs? One article in the Belize paper wrote about a number of people who were shot in the feet and legs, as thats what was exposed to the shooter, cycling by on his bike. Random shooting apparently.
Still, lets not let this thing get out of perspective for its novelty to a Canadian. Vehicles are still killing and maiming far more here. More hit and runs, more drunk and inebriated drivers here as well. And yet there is no ‘ever present fear’ of vehicles...we all cant wait to get into our freedom-mobiles....

There are many other things I could say about the satisfaction of solving ones simple immediate problems with a gun, but maybe later.

2 days later-------------
even more shootings the other night, I think that brings it up to 6 in 2 weeks. For a town with only 14 000 that seems pretty high. But if we keep it up maybe we can top new levels of stupidity.

 http://www.sanpedrosun.com/community-and-society/2014/03/16/editorial-time-stop-pretending-well-san-pedro/

Or if you would prefer- this message from Grandmaster Flash and the Fabulous 5
http://youtu.be/gYMkEMCHtJ4

Annotated:   There have been yet more shootings on the lsland. http://www.sanpedrosun.com/community-and-society/2014/04/14/miguel-motita-fuentes-shot-northern-ambergris-caye/

Winds, moss and Glasgow emergency responders...

the real action
Rode a short ferry over to Arran island, just off of the coast from Glasgow. I was all packed and set to ride around the island, camp and jump on other ferries to take me across loch and inlets. I had a drink at the beautiful Douglas hotel with all its seafaring brass antiques and then started up the big hill. The camping was alright, but the wind that was forecast, certainly arrived that morning, waking me up from my heather and foot thick, moss bed. I was shocked awake into the 50 mph gusts as I tried to put on more under layers over my naked torso.

Amazing, there were folks walking their dogs in the area I emerged from, (silly Scots). It was a highspeed downhill ride to the awaiting luxury hotel and hot drinks. So a little embarrassingly I took the ferry back, I am just not that much into self abuse.

The photo of the rainbow over the Scottish castle absolves me and allows me to head back to warmth and comforts.

Hanging out here in Glasgow drinking a beer in the sunshine on the wall. When police came running up and past me to look searchingly in the water. A jogger and a cyclist had words with them. I jumped down to talk with one, he mentioned that there had been a report of someone in the water. (I didn't hear any splash) They took off up the canal. I followed. Firetrucks showed up on the bridge. A Helicopter circled overhead- within minutes of things happening. A little later a rescue boat with red, dry suited and helmeted rescuers puttered by. I spoke to the baby-faced cop and he seemed to think it must have been a seal up the canal.

I am somewhat amused/impressed at their quick response, but wonder if these sort of coordinated operations might be better used for positive things, like: there is an amazing sunset and its still sunny- quick! to the batmobile! Or, people are pretty bummed out about transit and public space; quick! tasty drinks and groovy music with places for everyone to relax. But these sorts of things, generally, only happen at Burning Man.   

Or better yet, more social care/ homeless outreach, empowered individuals, working with the 'down and out' so things don't get to the point of someone taking a cold death dip, off the bridge...

http://gawker.com/canadian-man-sorry-for-chugging-eight-beers-and-swimmin-888283225

Disney sub plot

A long winding road up the Rhine. Sometimes with a headwind. Lots of other cyclists. (funny to see 80+ year olds on motorcycles). I noticed a few things that are different during my ride. I rode through Riverside, industrial, boat building/repair factories. Right through them, with only a caution sign at the entrance. It amazing that the cycling legislation has pushed access this far!

I am also impressed that cycling is permitted in the other direction on one way streets. (I remember being stopped in Seattle by an irate cop, when my choice was, illegal ride on the sidewalk, or illegal ride on the one way street...).

I thought to stop earlier for the evening, not such a good idea, since that dusky hour riverside, is the hour of the bug. I am reminded of what a small part we play on their planet; barely a blip. Those seething masses will adapt and outgrow us. Really there is nothing to do at that hour, but keep speed, and outrun them until the stimulation of the evening has passed and has them settled.

I thought to spend the night off the Rhine bike path behind some hay stacks, and prepared my bed of straw unrolling them over the stinging nettle. I thought myself clever with this design, until I received 2 wasp stings, one for each bare leg; and noticed them swarming out of the ground from their underground nest. Disappointing but worse yet, because I was unable to get near my bike with the wasps defending the area...

I grabbed my bike out of there without more stings, and kept looking for some place as suitable. In just a few minutes, I startled a deer out of the brush, then 2 rabbits, and also 2 foxes. A minute later an eagle swooped down around me. I forget sometimes how busy dusk can be...

My ride still consisted of outrunning the horse flies, gnats and mosquitoes. Later I camped beside the Rhine. I believe someone this morning checked me out in my sleeping bag, although, I couldnt see them, I heard the sound of their flip flops... Later the geese consisted of my alarm clock. Funny, I dont find that one on the iphone alarm selection.

Today the bolt from my rack was sheared off. While I was in the shade of the Nestle factory, smelling the ambient chocolate, wiring it together, a mole walked up to me, and may well be riding in some part of my baggage. I feel I may be an unknowing part of some Disney subplot...

Critical mass, ass, smoking and transvestites

Dear, many, many fans/readers and concerned people, and oh' yes the government intelligence agencies.

I have had many new adventures and a few humorous experiences I'd like to try getting out.We certainly had some good times in Uruguay and Punta del Diablo.

The Tobacco companies are regulated like in Canada and use these anti smoking adverts where they sell tobacco. But, really I hadnt seen any like these in Uruguay...

The little beach stores, are haphazardly constructed from old sheds or beach huts or what-have-you.

So, where we bought our bubbly water (after our long hike) has these 2 counters facing each other, rather close, and with a low roof/ceiling, and with me being a little taller; well the inverted, lit up adds, facing each other , formed this kind of red lit tunnel- the tunnel of shame, I call it!

Since no where else would such poor advertising ( I had to duck them, to see and to pay the cashier) and poor placement, and such an anti sales kind of signage, be used. It struck me as so funny, this contradiction, on one hand wanting to sell cigarettes and the other, to use the regulated signs, and then, not having the head clearance to see anything else.

Ahhhh, the horror of smoking! Nooooo, make it stop!

I laughed and laughed.

Speaking of laughing...

We rented local city bikes for Buenos Aires critical mass, orange bikes that hurt our asses.

We rode and rode around the city, a party on wheels. All good fun.

We rode with a family on our way back through the beautiful night parks of Palermo. 2 young teens and their mother. Thought it nice to have some company on the ride home. But wow, were we surprised. We rode through Buenos Aires transvestite red-light strip, with maybe 40 prostitutes each with their own street light to stand under. I didnt notice so many cars perusing their wares yet. But cycling past, one sees this silhouette, but often an unearthly large one, of a scantily clad, provocatively dressed woman... and then, the light- Blam! Monster-tranny-creature-of-the-night! with their breast out and sometimes their penis hanging out. Well I guess its a slow night, those high heels are hurting and might as well show the product, right? Anyways, it was such a funny, funhouse surprise, and with the 2 young teen brother and sister riding bikes, I laughed and laughed; how could Eddie Murphy be so wrong!

So, yes, I am still here, going to contact Dance Jams every night if I can. My skills are getting better, people even come to me to dance, (rather than me chasing them down). I am wearing out my toes and have to tape them. I have my own little room, actually large room with bathroom in an old colonial building. My ceiling must be 16-18 feet tall, and with a weird loft that I must climb to get to (they took out the stairs due to regulations).

L

Brazilian power brokers

Hello folks

Its been a good month or so here in South America.

We flew into Buenos Aires, after all the clean up/set up that needed to take place before leaving Seattle. Arrived at our couch surfing host in the old town of San telco. What great people and place to acclimatize for the first few days in Argentina. The large colonial apartment has a grand balcony over the numerous bars and restaurants.

Yet within a few days, we took off for the southern extremes of the pampas and winelands. We had signed up for 4 days in a rural house called Casa Magica with los kukis. We had arrived in the middle of a contact improv dance 'retreat'. (Our main reason for coming to South America and Argentina, in particular).

The people there were so friendly and helpful, Lisa had wondered if it might actually end up as the best part of the trip.

We carried further on to Bariloche in the mountains bordering Chile. Strange to be back in the cool wet weather so familiar to the Northwest. We ran into our dance friends in that extra touristy town. But were back in Buenos Aires for our contact improv dance teacher conference before too long.

The first couple of nights were gruelling and exhilarating; feeling a little out of shape but meeting such great dancers from the area. We sweated through the 5 days in this beautiful colonial building. Lunches were provided.We had some cultural misunderstandings, and my Spanish isn't strong enough for fluent, fast group dialogue. Nonetheless we really enjoyed the jams.

After some wayward dawdling after the conference and some great jams, one in the park, and another at an ariel studio, we moved on to Uruguay. One of the few countries these days without the punitive 'reciprocity' laws. So yes, if you havnt heard, a number of countries have decided to strike back at the north Americas, racists immigration rules, and rightly so, since the discrimination has been going on for so long. So, to explain quickly, whatever our countries have a prerequisites for these ones, they ask for in return. and I tell you, its extreme! Really negating visas doesn't compromise the already extensive power that immigration officials already have.

An American friend of our couchsurf hosts dropped in from a local tech conference, offering their lovely beach house here in Punta Del Diablo Uruguay. Apparently voted the top 10 places to visit by Lonely Planet. We agree, its great!

Today we went to Brazil, 3 times. Its easy in the border town of Chuy, one simply crosses the main street to the other side. All too many expensive 'duty free' shops in the town. And really the Brazilian economy is on fire, its true. We mistakenly bought a small bottle of contact lens solution for 34 dollars $U.S. Maybe we can take it back tomorrow. You see we need to return, since non of the bank machines were functioning (and this is before the massive ominous storm cloud appeared in the horizon and swallowed the town). Perhaps we should go to another country since the machines weren't any use to us on the Uruguayan side of the street. We tried a couple of the bank machines in the Brazilian banks, but no luck. The power had gone off but the machines were still on. So we tried again, with one of the tellers from inside the darkened bank. Again and again, at last with the proper series of swipes and Portuguese selection the money was clicking along and ready to pop out… and then lightening struck and the power went black! So maybe someone out there gets to have that money, and likely it can be recovered, but we still have to go back, since we didn't get any...

congratulations on making it to the other side...

Much time has passed since my last report/blog- testimony of infamy. Best to act on the unresolved issues and write the blog...

My recent travel plans have included the possibility of an international rainbow gathering in Brazil. But with the extreme amount of requirements (which are a tit- for-tat bureaucratic revenge for the poor and humiliating treatment by Canadian officials of Brazilians). The requirements are numerous- take a look http://www.consbrastoronto.org/visa_tourist.php

Once again, I dont feel my unorthodox life makes standard things... well, standard.

This would be my first taste as a so called privileged Canadian, having the tables turned; and I sympathize with all travelers being churned through the meat grinder of international travel. With some countries like Burma, not even issuing passports to their countrymen, and even after dodging the corruption and Kafka'esque hassel, the bloody document isnt worth anything at other countries borders... do not pass go, and do not collect 200$.

But on the lighter side, I shaved my head. Wow! so great to free of that hair! Something I had thought of but hadnt done for being a fashion slave. Somehow the idea that I didnt have an attractive head, is gone.

While visiting my family in Ontario, after an uncles birthday party, I thought to catch the train home with my folding bike. I had seen some recent advertisement mentioning how "bike friendly" VIA was, I hadnt really thought about it otherwise, never having brought my bike onto VIA, only AMTRAK. AMTRAK is friendly and easy, and you can bring your bike on the train for 5$, but that not being a factor since I fold mine and pack it away.

But after buying my ticket and heading down to the platform gate, they wouldnt let me on, 'the rules' they said. No bikes allowed on the platform. So after a number of calls to supervisors and managers, they couldnt find a way to get my bike on the train. (there was no 'baggage car'). I told them, "its o.k. my bike folds up". They refused again. I asked them what about all this bike friendly advertisement. Of course the manager didnt know anything about it. So IRONICALLY and amazingly there was a poster promotion photo add right there! He was so surprised and apologetic he took a picture with his camera phone! They refunded my money, apologized, since it seems the bureaucracy, hadnt got the memo that they were blasting out to the public. I ended up taking the local GO commuter, cheaper service that brought me closer to home- 3 blocks away!

http://www.biketrain.ca/watch-the-bike-train-video

under cover of the night

Under cover of the night.

Hung out at the Barton Creek eco lodge near San ignacio Belize.

Its really is a nice set up with the lodge being right on the river, the corner hammock being spitting distance

from the gently rolling river. The blond headed kids are sweet to have around, with their playful attitudes.

There is a new addition to the family with a recently flown in incredibly tame parrot, just dropped in one day and has stayed.

The nearby cave is privately owned and charge 50$ to enter, but that didnt stop us from using the BartonCreeks canoe and going in "under cover of the night".

Paddling the river and then into the cave down its 300 meter thoat before it gets too cramped and pinched.

The Mennonites in the area add a strange element to the scene. Never really spent time in one of their villages before.

Had dinner with the neighbors, no charge, religious conversations ensued.

I had contacted Barton Creek through Couchsurfing, although happy to reccomend the place (not the high price for food), I cant in anyway see how it works with couchsurfing. Funny though, an Australian girl had got the free camping deal (which would have knocked off only 10$ off my bill, I guess being young with a pretty face helps with these things.

Still would have been nice if they honored that. But thats not all, a strange kind of cheap, cash grab was aked, after we rode the Britt's truck into town, which would have had me pay again. (Could have been a misunderstanding).

This also wrankled me in that, all the guests were being kicked out, due to the new university group arriving. I was offered a ride into town, and then asked to pay for it, when they were going into town anyways.

So now I dont know what to say as a couchsurf reference.

I realize that working in tourism isnt for everyone, but its sad to see when it makes people bitter and apathetic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sthRYIB91P8

Surprise!

Surprise!!!

These days bringing laptops through customs is yet another thing to be scanned, processed and poked at.

Stacking them up with hard drives wont help you get through security any faster. But what surprised me was upon leaving Mexican customs

they asked to see them again. Turns out there are some strange "age of the machine" and importation regulations now.

Surprisingly they wanted to see the operating system and specs. Well, when you boot up my Acer with the Lubuntu OS you get

the annual Wreck beach photo of the summer.

I would recommend it as a screen saver, certain to get a laugh, and get you out of any bureaucratic snafu

where you are required to open and show your computer.

Popping it open brought amusement to many of the passengers and guards.

I have been running into hard of hearing people lately, and as much as I sympathize, I find it frustrating dealing with the deaf.

I had a somewhat deaf taxi driver recently, and rather than recount the "comedy of errors", I would say it was amusing (but certainly not at the time of the ride).

blog worthy

What a day... certainly worthy of a blog update. Disaster followed me around today.
With waking up and making my morning smoothie, I broke the blender by burning out the teeth connecting the motor housing to the jug. Then with the stressful and loud construction right under the apartment, vibrating with the Jack hammer, dropped a full length mirror that shattered right in front of me ( I was actually fortunate since it hit the area where I usually sit).
My stress was compounded with the thought that my ride would be arriving any minute. But really the powdered glass wasnt a total disaster.
The conversation in my craigslist ride was animated, we sped along to the Canadian border. Sped indeed, right before the border, we were pulled over and ticketed, which put us in the 'nexus' lane, which brought us under suspicion, which brought us into the new Canadian customs building, which of course, led to us all be questioned and searched. Wow! Its another time I wish I wasnt right. For a few hours before I was cautioning these young travelers with how rabidly suspicious and aggressively hostile the border could be. At first I was reluctant to tell them such stories, but this time it wasnt unfounded.
Hurray for being right...

L

Beloved SFDI

Thinking back on that Burn in the forest. Never had I received so much sexual attention but couldnt do anything about it, due to my cramping and inebriated state. That flattering but overwhelming attention, seems just that, too much, and it takes me some time to come around to dealing with it.

The Orcas Island Jam was great, but I suppose I am still working out some sort of identity, and am not sure how I appear to others. Still dealing with my fierce independence issues, and learning to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I was pretty exhausted after that ride and that burn in the forest party, so found it took me a few days to adjust. Its not so much the dance, but the social aspects of camping and associating with so many in an intimate setting. Yes, it causes me stress as well.

I fared better during the SFDI where I could come and attend class and not live with vague social expectations, and then go away for alone time. It makes me realize how important it is, but one should be able to adapt with this self awareness.

On my ride south through Whidbey island I ran into a woman I had been corresponding with from Vancouver, who would ride to Panama. I thought it such good fortune and accident to actually meet her on the road! I was so happy to have a cycling partner, at least for a little while. I think I may have been a little too much with my enthusiasm, and this German woman, had no time for detours or taking it slow... Well she has much to learn about journeys in this life.

No I didnt have the same insecurities with the SFDI, more like trying to maintain the same super excitement and enthusiastic inspiration as during the first 2 Jams. Where does it go? Where does it come from? This letting go of self consciousness and self.

Frequently with contact improv, I feel like saying "What are we doing here" What is it"?

I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it, or of letting go of those controlling/identifying parts of my mind, sometimes I use a blindfold to get past choosing partners.

Perhaps next SFDI or WCCIF I will do chair massage as a service after classes.

So I have to mention the Beloved festival- WOW! So nice! What a positive and wonderful collection of people and workshops.

Certainly worth going to these smaller and more intimate gatherings. Can 600 people or so be called intimate?

I had never seen so many people looking like they are actually getting what they want at a festival. There seemed to be very little drug use, lots of great alternative bands. I got to see Hassan Hawkmoon, and his amazing Sintir playing. The Sitar and Tabla players also were really great, and the Sunday morning Gospel was so fun. I massaged until my fingers were sore, met some new friends, and ran into some old ones...

I volunteered with the Love tribe from Portland and helped with their cuddle dome. The Saturday night was busy with humping people, apparently no penetration took place...

But it must have been interesting to see Dancer's Sacred Sex Love tent, during previous years...

Everything was great, except I kind of Snafued getting back to Seattle- seems that Greyhound is one of the shittiest public transport systems around (meaning infrequent and stinky, over expensive for the service offered) there is no evening buses out of Portland. So folks, use Craigslist Rideshare and let the community do its thing...

I was lucky that I could get a couch surfing host home and stayed in the yurt downtown off Hawthorne.

L

invisible man and other mental aberrations

I know there is a lengthy blog coming with all the frenzied, intense activities of the past 4 months. Sorry that I couldnt write more often. Its been a full summer.

I'll try and recount some of the events...

Since taking off for Burn in the forest in Squamish (now that is a lovely accomplish able day ride, with a smooth shoulder and great rolling hills). Although I over shot the mark the first night, camped in the deep forest with the black bears, owls and something that makes a great blood curdling shriek, Like someone sucking their teeth in front of a microphone at 60 decibels.

That whole event was fun, but it took something for me to get past my social phobia or fear of groups (yes it still bothers me to some degree).

I realize that may surprise some of you since I choice to immerse myself in these environments; yes, I choose to face my fears.

I feel sometimes like a social pariah or an invisible man, (which suits me fine, at times). A constant thread through these experiences is this change in self perception, of receiving the affection, attention, recognition (I believe they call those attributes collectively as love. And also how these experiences can be stressful and disquieting as negative dressers - change comes at a price. Hopefully ones growing pains dont come so quickly.

So, The Burn in the forest... had a mostly wonderful time, there was a short time of panic when the fungus I had eaten cramped up my empty stomach... the happy ending, my friends came to my rescue, and it ended as gas.

Felt the love, yes, I would say smaller festivals are where its at.

I rode to the border, where the bored guards gave me the apathetic and anemic interrogation, and then onwards to Orcas Island for the contact Jam. My timing was off in my post party dazed state. I needed to ride the 90 miles or so to try and get that 7pm ferry; missed it due to a chain malfunction, and caught the 9pm. I really dont want to attempt that marathon pace again... the exhaustion didnt allow me to feel very present or energized for dancing the next day.

I'll leave you the highlights of the following blogs.

1. Oracas Island contact Jam

2.Whidbey Island ride

3. the Seattle festival of Dance Improvisation and my stay in Seattle.

4.the Lesquiti Island contact Jam

5. Burning Man

6. my time at Harbin Hotsprings (where I am relaxing now...)

L

Too much...

Leon is "too much",

yes I know,

and yet,

Who is for me then?

I demonstrate my passion and power through love. Should I keep things bottled up inside? Better to cast seeds, uncountable myriads of them...

...so that some may blossom, grow and come to fruition. Forever singing to me, the moment I passed life to them.

L

The trip has been good. Despite 8 flat tires over the first 3 weeks.
That will happen I am told. Really it was 8 tubes, 3 treads and one rear wheel. There is a series of events that lead to the replacement of the wheel. But riding 10 miles on a flat was one of them. I knew it wasnt a great idea, but I got bored of pushing, I didnt have much light left in the day, and wanted to get to the hotsprings, also it was downhill the last 10 miles.

The milk of human kindness carries on.
I had many people try and help, that American long weekend, and I ended up staying with a group of meat eating, hard drinking, bawdy joking, kind folks from Salem. It was refreshing to spend those rainy days in their company. I just waited out the long weekend, tried patching the tires with what I could in the local small town.
I hadnt drank so much beer or eaten so much meat since I was a teen.
God bless those Americans who pack wagons and trucks full of superfluous crap, its support to those attempting to minimalize weight on a bike trip.
Those days passed slowly but with revelry.
My Portland experiences of the Pedalpalooza were wonderful, What a great city. The people the rides, the weather, the activists, the alternative community. The top west coast alternative city of the day, I would suppose.

Highlights of a world class city -Portland!

World class, at least for me... Meaning the city has so much community activities going on.
Pedalpalooza is a wonderful time to see Portland and get to know something of the cycle-activist community.
The 2 week schedule reads something like Burning Man's wacky calender of events.
The city has done well in promoting cycling, with many bike paths, lanes and bridges. Great to see so European a feature as bike parking in front of all the "hipster" businesses.

There seemed to be so much community gardening going on in the city.
Dozens of houses with character; artsy Trout houses everywhere.

The Zoobomb, downhill, tiny bike, slalom is a long running and fun event with the P-town cyclists.

I really appreciated staying with Couchsurfing. The web based organization has come around to being popular and extensively useful for travelers. Cities like Portland are dominant in having the alternative numbers in hosting.
I was able to stay with so many groovy kind hospitable traveling people willing to take in a nomad like myself.

I was also able to attend some contact improv events in the city, further impressing upon me the interactive lifestyle of Portlandians.


"A day in the life of..."


That day I woke in a couchsurfer's yurt, after yet another late night themed ride. I Was happy to use my host's outdoor hottub. Moved that day to another host's house. Amazing to have such trust levels, I didnt meet the man for 3 days, while staying at his house (he worked long hours at the hospital). It must have seemed funny to come home to see my bike decorated with that many helium ballons, filling his living room to ceiling.
I had a busy day with the days nude ride, a contact improv Jam and later on the 10000 person night nude ride complete with nude restaurants and bars.

Victim of clutter

Getting out on the road took some time. Seemed like I was a victim of my own junk collection. All those bits of personal detritus, like my very own sticky land mines, slowing me down, and holding me back from my purposes.

The chyatchka crap, the clutter in storage.

There is a scene is David Bowie's labyrinth where the protagonist is held back by these "Gomi/junk collection ghouls.

"There was something I was looking for, something important that I need to do..."

"Ah but what about this pretty/petty knick-knack, was it this...mmmm...?

Then, before you know it, I am dazed, in a trance, distracted.

retrospectives

Its been hard to keep up with the momentous moments here in Adventure land.

The moments that lead to this point; before and after...

We had a commercial drive, protect the park, close the street kind of party the other month.

Where I ran into my ex-wife after 8 years of incommunicado.

It was a happy surprise, but she couldnt talk for long, she had some friends waiting. She wouldnt exchange emails, since, after all she doesnt keep in contact with anyone from the old life...

But my realization wasnt this 'same old thing' from ages old. But the fact that, this emotional wound had healed, and I could turn around (on the street) after this kind of snubbing experience and become engaged with another person, a person I would love to spend more time with. There are so many people that I would like to spend more time with.

My emotional health and flexibility improved.

I am free.

Sniffy vs Howler

My friend Howler said that people didnt understand art... He insinuated that it was one reason he considered "checking out"...

He may be right- but I dont think its a reason one should kill them-self over...

The Sniffy the rat exhibit might have been the apex of Rick Gibsons art career.
I wonder if he felt some deep glow with the recognition that an angry mob chasing you down the street can give... (finally! people are noticing my art). Well you can lead a mob to art, but you cant make them think.
http://archives.cbc.ca/arts_entertainment/visual_arts/topics/300-1604/

I think he was trying to understand mankind...
Studied psychology before going to Art school....

http://www.odlt.org/interviews/rick_gibson_interview.pdf
www.rickgibson.net

http://millionmonkeystyping.blogspot.com/2010/01/sniffy-rat.html

As a long ago Polish man once said... "Art is not a mirror... Its a Hammer!"

Nudism that human thing...

In my early career as a nudist I first started attending swims indoors, in public pools, during winter.

And I thought I knew something, in my basic understanding.
Since I had gone to a nude swim or 2.
The age grade, the demographic of the east side swim that I attended, set itself as predominately seniors.
So I thought to myself, "ah, nudism, right, its that seniors thing".
Seniors=nudism.
Its in the nature of human understanding to form patterns, to make "guesses" and to assume.

Then later as I attended more nude events in different areas, sometimes it was predominately hippies in hotsprings. Then I thought, "right, right, nudism-that hippie thing. Or later at Burning Man, that burner thing. Or when the majority seemed to be Gay men; Oh' Nudism, that gay thing.

Perhaps now, seeing babies, I'll say "nudism- that human thing..."

love

A young couple is led to imagine that a relationship is a box full of goodies... and that they can sit down and eat out of this box all their lives, and it will never be empty.

But it is empty. There will never be anything in it unless the partners put it in there.

And if they do not want it to be empty, they must put in a lot more than they are in the habit of taking out. But the young romantic who imagined it ought to be full of goodies, institutes a law suit against God and against his partner as soon as he discovers the game. He feels swindled.

Yet he imagines the next box he buys will be full, even though the last one was empty.

W &B Beecher

I knew couples who had been married almost forever — tending each other’s illnesses, dealing with money troubles or the daughter’s suicide or the grandson’s drug addiction. And I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person. You’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in half a century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself, and she’s become the right person, or the only person. I wish someone had told me that earlier; I’d have hung on then.

Anne Tyle

There is no limit to our capacity to love. We can never be satisfied by loving just one person here and another there. Our need is to love completely, universally, without any reservations — in other words, to become love itself. It can take our breath away to glimpse the vastness of such love.

Eknath Easwaran

ochlophobia

Like a scene out of kids in the Hall, a larger than life comedy scene.

Well I was walking down the street in Vancouver, and was confronted with my fear of groups, yet again.

Enochlophobia- Fear of crowds.

Ochlophobia- Fear of crowds or mobs

Approaching me on this warm, calm summer night was a screeching, florid, chichi, flamboyant gang of young flaming gay men.

Seeing the narrow sidwalk and the prevocative mood they seemed to be in, I just had to cross the street to the other side. It didnt seem worth it

to be stuck in the middle of all that, not even for a second...

Not to seem bigotted, I simply didnt want all that energy in my solitary headspace.

It was hardly a block on, when yet another gang approached, damn! And here is where the small absurdity of life show;

A gang of mustachioed, leather tassled, cowboy hat, folk singer musicians, hopped up on Dwight Yokum and Garth Brooks. Seeing the size of the sidewalk

I was overcome with anxiety, not to want to seem bigotted, I simply couldnt bear to be surrounded by that gang, not even for a second.

So you see, its possible to feel the menace of street gangs in "Charming" Vancouver. It could be gangs of late night nerdy, Asian teen, World of Warcraft players,

out for a smoke and noodle break. Or a gang of east side, lesbian, single mothers complete with babystrollers, you know those strollers take over the sidwalk...

And that they can get pretty crazy when riled up...

So there you see it, I share my pain and we are all suffering.

sense of liberation from an illusory difference

On my return from Latin America (via Ontario) to Vancouver, I found myself in the streets once again running into friends unexpectedly. Perhaps it was that, and the international couchsurfing that I've been doing that sponsored my latest epiphany. Like the Buddhas disciple, reformed, who upon presentation to the community as a reformed man was derided and shunned. (He was the murderer and maker of finger necklaces) it may take time before others realize anything has changed. Like Scrooge, (a name synonymous with miserliness) at the window shouting down on everyone the joy he felt. Are sympathies may not be appreciated. Peoples opinions arent quick to change. And in fact we might never influence the attitudes of their courts. The results of Scrooges window benedictions, might have been a "Fuck you Scrooge, you bastard!" middle finger raised high. I dont feel any sadness, that some locals arent happy, interested, amused, satisfied or pleased at my west coast return. Just a little amusement with this realization. Here is the quote from Thomas Merton, one of my favorite dead monks, that pretty much says it all... In Louisville, at the corner of Fourth and Walnut, in the center of the shopping district, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that I loved all those people, that they were mine and I theirs, that we could not be alien to one another even though we were total strangers. It was like waking from a dream of separateness, of spurious self-isolation in a special world, the world of renunciation and supposed holiness. . . . This sense of liberation from an illusory difference was such a relief and such a joy to me that I almost laughed out loud. . . . I have the immense joy of being a member of a race in which God became incarnate. . . . There is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun. Thomas Merton